Topics to talk about

When you're talking about your sexual needs, try to be specific. Here are some topics that you may want to cover:

• Time. Are you setting aside enough time for sex? If not, how might you change things? How can you make sex a priority? Think about how you and your partner can support each other to help create time and energy for sex.
• Romance. What does romance mean to you? Do you feel that you'd like more romance in your life? If so, how can you make that happen? Talk about the role you believe romance has in your sex life.
• Pleasure. What do you like? Knowing what gives you and your partner enjoyment can enhance sex for both of you. If one of you is not comfortable with the other's preferences, try to come up with compromises. But be honest about any sexual activities you don't want to do.
• Routine. Has sex become too predictable? What changes might you make? For example, explore different times to have sex or try new techniques. Cuddling, a sensual massage, self-stimulation, oral sex or using a vibrator may be ways to make sex more fun.
• Emotional intimacy. Sex is more than a physical act. It's also a chance to have an emotional connection, and that can build closeness in a relationship. Try not to pressure each other when it comes to specific sexual acts or reaching orgasm. Enjoy touching, kissing, and feeling physically and emotionally close.
• Physical and emotional changes. Are physical changes, such as an illness, weight gain, changes after surgery or hormonal changes affecting your sex life? Are emotional concerns, such as stress or depression, making sex less appealing? Talk about these changes and think about ways you may be able to manage them.
• Your relationship. Talk about any challenges you may have within your relationship that might be getting in the way of good sex. Discuss ways that you could deal with them.
• Beliefs. Talk about your beliefs and expectations around sex. Think about whether misconceptions, such as the idea that women become less sexual after menopause, are affecting your sex life.